


To Speak Or Die

by chase_the_fox007



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Canon Timeline, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Time Skips, phan in 2009, phan in 2012
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-03
Updated: 2018-07-03
Packaged: 2019-06-01 14:53:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15145574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chase_the_fox007/pseuds/chase_the_fox007
Summary: 'One day we will be braveI'll tell the world I feel this wayBut I look up high and wonder whyThey need to know how our life goes'~ 2022Dan and Phil have come so far over the years. But Dan doesn't want his resurfaced feelings to ruin everything he's been trying so hard to put back together.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> \- this has been sat on my laptop for ages, hence why the 'present day' is in 2016  
> \- I've never written phan before so please bare with me here "^^  
> \- I'm trying to keep this as irl as possible, but obviously there are things I don't know about or things I'm gonna miss, so yeah. I may come back to bits and rework stuff as I write!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ao3 keeps messing up the formatting for this chapter so I'm sorry if things that are meant to be bold/underlined/italic aren't ;_;

 

**2009**

Piccadilly train station was busy - nothing unusual there, but Dan could still hear his heart pounding in his ears over the sound of the crowds' footsteps on the marble flooring of the station as the crowds bustled about. What platform would Phil be coming onto again? Dan glanced down at his hand, at the messy '13' scrawled on his palm, the ink bleeding a little from the sweat that had formed from his nerves, and nodded to himself.

     "Right, er..." He looked around himself, until he spotted the large 13 in the distance, indicating the platform. He checked his phone - Phil's train was due in ten minutes. Phil would be here, real, in front of him, in ten minutes. The thought was surreal, and terrifying. Dan power-walked toward the platform gate, unable to feel his legs, before he was stopped by a man who clearly worked at the station.

    "Ticket?"

 

    Dan blinked up at him.

 

    "I, er, I-I'm just meeting someone..." He mumbled, gesturing vaguely to the platform.

 

    "Got to wait out here, you need a ticket to go onto the platform," the man informed him. Dan gave a small "oh", before stumbling over to one of the benches outside the platform instead, sitting down and trying to regulate his breathing. He took out his phone and opened his messages app to text Phil.

 

_'just got here, I'll be outside the platform :D xx'_

 

**2016**

     "Phil?" Dan's voice is low, gaze uncertain as he stands in the doorway of his sleeping best friend's bedroom. "You awake?" He pads over to the side of the bed, letting out a soft breath as Phil stirs, rolling over onto his back and squinting up at the other with a grunt.

     "Hm? Wha's wrong?" He mumbles, voice thick with sleep. Dan presses his lips together, standing awkwardly for a moment.

     "Er, I couldn't sleep," he mutters. "D'you think I could, um..?" He chews the inside of his cheek, averting his gaze before Phil understands.

     "Oh." He gives a sleepy smile and shuffles over, pulling back the duvet for the other to slide into bed beside him. "C'mon, then." And Dan does, lying with his back to Phil and curling his body against the older man. He holds his breath, before exhaling as he feels a heavy arm drape over his waist, and Phil's warm breath on the back of his neck as he yawns.

     "Night," comes the tired sigh, and Dan can't help but smile, even if it's a little sad. Once, he might have rolled over and pressed a soft kiss to the other man's lips, and Phil might have smiled and kissed back, pulling him a little closer so they pressed against each other under the sheets. But that felt like so long ago, practically another world. It's almost hard to believe it had really been that easy, once upon a time.

     "Night, Phil."

 

     Waking up in the morning is never fun, especially when everything is so comfortable and all Dan wants to do is just sink into the mattress and sleep for another five years. His brow furrows in confusion for a moment, when he opens his eyes just a crack to see the sea of green and blue bedsheets around him. Then he remembers where he is and why he's here, and he sighs, looking up at the ceiling and lifting a hand to rub his eyes tiredly. It takes him another couple of moments to realize that Phil must have already gotten up, since the rest of the bed is depressingly empty, and he wonders what time it is - judging by the sunlight streaming in through the window, it's not as late as it feels. With a yawn, Dan sits up, running a hand through his hair and rubbing his face in a half-hearted attempt to wake himself up properly.

     "Ugh..." He swings his legs out of the bed and stands, lazily tossing the duvet back up so the bed looks more-or-less neat, and shuffling out into the kitchen.

     "Hey, sleepy-head." Phil glances at him over his shoulder with a smile, as he stirs what smells like coffee for the two of them. Dan can't help but smile.

     "Morning. You making breakfast?"

     "I just had some cereal," Phil replies with a shrug. Dan gives a nod as he puts the milk back in the fridge, trying to be helpful. 

     "Mine or yours?" He asks, an amused smirk tugging at his lips as he opens the cupboard, looking at their cereal boxes as he tries to decide what he wants. Phil gives a light laugh.

     "I prefer to think of it as _our_  cereal."

     "So, mine then."

     "It's not my fault you buy the one with the cookies, Dan. That's the best one!"

     "Oh, well that's fine then." Dan shakes his head in amusement as he decides he wanted crumpets instead, and sets about making them.

 

     Dan is happy with the life he and Phil have - of course he is, it's quite literally a dream come true. How can he _not_  be happy with it? Sharing an apartment with his soulmate, while they both have dream jobs and more than enough money to be comfortable for the foreseeable future. But things are certainly different now, than they had once been.

     Dan remembers back in 2009, when he and Phil first met. They had both been so much younger back then, both been stumbling around trying to find themselves and to find each other, and they had barely found their feet when they were plunged far-too-suddenly into the deep end of the internet, with the popularity and the fans and the invading questions and the assumptions and the entitlement of people who didn't understand the different between friends and fans. But Dan doesn't like to dwell on  _those_  memories.

 

Back in the present day, Phil has gone into his room and Dan is loading the dishwasher from breakfast, brow furrowed in thought. Once done, he leans back against the counter with a sigh. He doesn't really know when these feelings had come back - no, not come back. More like resurfaced; honestly, he isn't sure they ever went away in the first place. But he does know that for the past few months, there's been a dull ache of longing in his chest whenever he's around Phil. It isn't something that's usually at the forefront of his mind, exactly - not until he actively thinks about it - but it's still something that always seems to be  _there_ , plaguing his mind at night when he's in bed, or just whenever he's alone and has time to think.

It's ridiculous, really - he knows he should have gotten over Phil a long time ago; they hadn't been together that way in years. They're very close, of course - it would be unreasonable to expect two ex-lovers, and best friends, to completely refrain from physical contact or affection - but Dan knows that Phil doesn't return his feelings, feelings which should have long been dead in the first place.

     'We're soulmates', he's tried to tell himself countless times. 'I know that, and I'm happy with it. I don't have to be in a romantic relationship with Phil to know that we're soulmates'. And he would tell himself this over and over, before sighing in exasperation at himself and trying to ignore the small, truthful voice at the back of his mind that whispered  _'but I don't want him to end up loving someone else'._

     Dan runs a hand through his hair and checks his phone - no notifications. Of course, he's turned off most of his notifications for his social media, otherwise his phone would be blowing up non-stop. But there are no messages, nothing to distract him. He scrolls through tumblr as he makes his way to the living room, trying to quell his wandering mind - not that it really works. In the past few days, intrusive thoughts have been more a problem than usual, and it doesn't help that they usually arrive with a total lack of motivation to do anything to distract himself. 'I should make a new video,' he thinks to himself. 'Or maybe I could play video games for a while, or read something, or look for a new anime for me and Phil to start.' Only none of those ideas really sound all that interesting, so instead he settles for scrolling on tumblr, lounging on the couch lazily and forgetting to change out of his pyjamas. He would be productive tomorrow, he tells himself as he reblogs a photography photoset.

 

A war is going on inside Dan's head, and it has been raging for a while now - around six years. On the one hand, he's living something out of a tv show or book. Anyone would be happy with his life, right? What's the downside? On the other hand though, there are the hoards of people who claim to 'love' him, to care about him and to appreciate him the most, and they're almost scary. They harass and badger, probe and poke into every single piece of personal life and precious emotion that Dan dares to put out onto the internet. They treat him like a fictional character, never seeming to understand that _he isn't what they want him to be._ He isn't perfect, he never will be. He doesn't want to divulge his secrets, his relationships, his family life. He doesn't want to let them in, to ask them to be respectful and gentle, only for them to rush in and trample over everything he cares about.

     He knows it's not all of them, and he knows that even those ones don't mean for it to hurt him. But it does, and they just don't understand.

     'If I came out publicly, and then right afterward did something that really changed the world', he would think to himself, 'no one would talk about the second thing - no one would care about how amazing that would be or how much that would mean. They'd just care about who I was sleeping with and how many guys I'd been with. They'd only ask if me and Phil really were together, I'd finally be their _cute aesthetic bi boy._  Who cares if I'm living my dream at the same time, right? As long as I'll tell them how Phil is in bed, nothing else really matters'. The thoughts crept up on him on bad days, on days where nothing really seemed real, and Dan's mind was free to wander recklessly and piss him off as much as possible. Even if Phil managed to cheer him up though, the thoughts never left. They just got easier to ignore. Over the years, Dan had been able to manage his somewhat bitter thoughts toward his followers - it helped a lot that as time went by, there seemed to be less and less of them - the disrespectful ones, that is. Dan knew that people still shipped him and Phil, obviously - he would have to be stupid not to know - he'd seen the fan accounts, the edits, the art - but they seemed to be more respectful now, and as long as Dan didn't go _looking_ for said edits or videos, he was generally able to steer clear of most of them. It wasn't that he didn't like them - seeing them on camera, on tumblr tag videos and whatnot while he was with Phil certainly made him uncomfortable, though mainly that was because they made Phil uncomfortable.

 

At the beginning of their relationship, neither of them had been bothered about talking about their relationship in videos, yet they'd still been pretty relaxed about it; they didn't make an effort to talk about it, but they were laid back in videos and posts. It was only when the intrusive questions and harassment started that they'd had to lock down on everything - deleting tweets, Formspring questions, Dailybooth posts, pictures. Then there was the angry tweets, tumblr answers, trying to get people to take down pictures and screenshots. Things had been so tiring. But they had gotten through it, for the most part. Dan moved up to Manchester, eventually moved in with Phil, started university - that didn't exactly go to plan, but everything else had seemed like it was going steady. Stressful at times, but good.

 

** 2010 **

     "I'm sure it'll be okay," said Phil, brow pinched in worry. Dan exhaled, shoulders slumping as he stared at a spot on the floor of their living room from where he and Phil sat on the couch. He'd been staring at the same spot for a while now - he felt like he hadn't blinked in about ten minutes.

     "What if it's not?" He asked, voice quiet. "I mean look at me, I'm even  _more_  of a disappointment now. What am I gonna tell mum and dad? Not only am I their weird son, I'm their weird son that dropped out of uni because I... I couldn't do it." He gave Phil a look and the other man sighed, a gentle hand on Dan's back.

     "Well, university isn't the best thing for everyone," he said. "And if it's going to do you more good to be, you know, dropped out, then that's the best thing you could do for yourself. You're not going to do well if you don't like what you're doing, Dan." He gave a small smile of encouragement. "Want me to make you a coffee?" He asked. "Or hot chocolate? I bought some of those little marshmallows the other day and I haven't eaten all of them yet. Can't go wrong with marshmallows, and the little ones melt in your drink which is even better."

     Dan snorted softly, shaking his head. "No, I'm not in the mood." He bit his lip and leaned against Phil, resting his head on the other's shoulder. He let out a breath when he felt those arms wrap around him, holding him, and the two simply sat there for a minute or two.

    "Thanks," Dan muttered. He felt Phil kiss his hair.

 

    "You know I'm here for you. No matter what, right?"

 

    Dan nodded, closing his eyes as he leaned into the other's chest. "Love you."

    He felt Phil smile, and the arms around him squeezed gently. "Love you too."

 

** 2011 **

     It was October of 2011 when Dan broke up with Phil.

     "Dan, I need to talk to you." Phil's tone wasn't one that promised anything happy, and Dan had looked up from his laptop with a frown. The two of them were lounging in bed - in Phil's bed, technically, though they shared it most nights. Dan had his knees pulled up and his laptop resting on his thighs, leaning against the older boy, who had been strangely quiet until now.

     "What?" He asked, stomach doing a flip as he saw the other's expression. Phil didn't meet the 19 year old's eyes, brow furrowed. It made his forehead crinkle cutely, but Dan wasn't thinking about that. He sat up, closing his laptop and watching Phil warily. "Phil, what?" His mind was already racing.

     "I-"

     "Are you breaking up with me?" The words tumbled out before Dan could stop them, and Phil looked at him in shock.

     "What? No! No, I just... How important is sex for you?"

     There was a silence as Dan just stared. Phil swallowed nervously, Adam's apple bobbing. "Er, I mean, in our relationship and all. Would you... I mean, would it be really bad if we did it a little, um, less? I-I know this sounds weird, I'm sorry." He ran a hand through his hair, trying to avoid Dan's eyes. He was looking at Phil as though the man had just grown another head.

     "Do you not want to have sex with me anymore, then?" Asked Dan in confusion. "So what, you're basically breaking up with me?"

     "No! I still want to be with you, I just haven't really been feeling it that much recently... Not, I-I mean, I only mean sexually. I still love you, I just-"

     "You just don't find me attractive." Dan's tone was blunt. Phil looked almost pained.

     "That's not what I'm saying!"

     "You don't have to, you're making it pretty bloody obvious!" Dan stood with a scowl, leaving the bedroom clutching his laptop to his chest. Phil jumped a little as the door slammed.

     Dan hadn't known what to think. Phil wasn't attracted to him? Was this recent, or had it been going on for weeks? Had Phil ever been attracted to him in the first place? Had it all just been a lie? Did Phil even care about him? The more he thought about it, the more it worried him. What if Phil had never enjoyed any of their time together? After all, Dan had honestly never thought he would really get this far. Moving in with AmazingPhil? Being in a relationship with someone who he cared about more than life itself? It was a dream come true. Unfortunately, dreamers have to wake up at some point. Maybe this was just the waking up.

     Dan hadn't realized he'd been pacing in his room, muttering his thoughts aloud for half an hour until he heard the knock at the door.

     "Can I come in?"

     Dan reply was grudging. "Yes." Phil opened the door, standing a little awkwardly in the doorway for a moment before speaking.

     "Dan-"

     "No, listen." Dan wasn't entirely sure what he was doing, but the words were coming out before he could think about them properly. "I don't need this. I get enough shit online without you doing it too."

     "That's not what I-"

     "Were you ever attracted to me at all?" Dan snapped. "Why the fuck did I even move here in the first place?"

     "Of  _course_  I'm attracted to you!" Phil snapped back indignantly. "All I said is that maybe we should just sleep together a bit less, maybe."

     "Why?! What's wrong with me?!"

     "Nothing's wrong with you, I don't know!" The two of them were shouting now, Dan's fists balled angrily and Phil's eyes narrowed. "I just haven't felt that into in the past couple of months, but that's the only-"

_"Months?!"_

     "Dan, that doesn't change how I feel about you!"

     "The fuck it does!"

     "It's not something I can control, you just... you just have a higher sex drive than me or something!" Phil cried. 

     "But you're not  _attracted to me!"_

     "You're blowing this so much out of proportion!" The older male snapped. "That's not what I said at all, I never said I wasn't attracted to you and I never said anything about my feelings for you being any different."

     "Just fuck off, Phil." Dan only flinched a little as the door shut - not quite a slam, but harder than usual. Dan unclenched his teeth - he hadn't realized he'd been clenching them so hard, and he wiped the tears forming in his eyes with a sleeve as he turned to sit on his bed, staring at his lap. He couldn't process what had happened. He didn't understand. Why would Phil say he didn't want to sleep with him anymore if he was still attracted to him? Sex was _supposed_  to happen in relationships - if you don't sleep together, you may as well just be friends, right? That was how Dan saw it. What was the point?

     It took a while for Dan to calm down, to be able to think properly. The two of them ordered in for dinner, and ate silently for the most part. Dan didn't know what to say. It was only when they were finished with their food that Phil finally spoke.

     "You don't honestly think I don't love you or something, do you?" He asked. Dan had been swiping aimlessly on his phone, trying to distract himself from the awkward silence. He looked up, meeting the other's eyes for a long moment.

     "I don't know," he said eventually. "Why..." He exhaled heavily. "I don't understand. Am I doing something wrong?"

     "No." Phil shook his head. He looked upset. "No, you haven't done anything. I just feel like I've been forcing my, um, moods, more often recently. It's not your fault. It's just me, I guess."

     Dan raised an eyebrow questioningly. "More often?" He repeated. "Do you usually force a hard on?"

     "Wh- no! That's not what I meant," said Phil quickly, shaking his head. "No, I just... I don't know, I guess it doesn't really come as easily to me as it seems to for you. The idea of sex doesn't, you know, turn me on as easily as it might do for you." The older man rubbed the back of his neck, clearly feeling awkward. "Sorry."

     "How can we be together though, if we don't have sex?" Asked Dan, frowning.

     "Some couples do it. A-and I'm not saying we have to stop. Just, maybe not as much."

     "Phil, I can't sleep with you on some sort of fucking quota or something. It doesn't work like that." Phil didn't answer. Dan sighed, looking down at his phone and staring at his reflection in the black screen. He counted to ten. Silence. "Maybe we should break up," he said, voice quiet. He didn't look up, he didn't want to see Phil's face. It felt like an age before the other said anything.

     "If you think that's best." Phil's voice was controlled, restrained. The sofa shifted as he stood, taking his plate over to the kitchen and setting it on the counter before heading to his room. Dan tossed his phone to the side and hid his face in his hands, a wave of grief hitting him like a brick. He couldn't breathe. His throat was closed up, his chest hurt. He trembled, desperately trying to stay silent as he sobbed, trying to listen in case Phil came back. He didn't want the other to see him like this. He never wanted anyone to see him like this.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dan needs to talk to Phil. But so much has changed over the years - the way they think about fans, the way they think about each other. Does he want to risk it?

** 2016 **

     "Dan, d'you want to- are you not dressed?" In 2016 Phil comes out of his room, stopping in the doorway to the living room with a bemused look on his face. "I thought we could go out for a bit. The weather's nice for once, I feel like we should embrace the day! Unless you had plans?"

     Dan looks over at his roommate, blinking for a moment before sighing, gaze sliding back to his phone. "No, I just... I don't know. I'm not really feeling it today."

     "Not feeling the sunshine? Come on, I'm sure some Starbucks or bubble tea will fix that. Maybe you'll be able to hatch another Pokémon egg."

     Dan wrinkles his nose, eyes still on his tumblr dash. Dogs, retro stuff, text posts, space photography... "And get another Zubat? Mm, sounds fun." He catches sight of Phil's crestfallen expression and exhales. "Sorry," he apologizes. "I'm just tired. I've had a lot on my mind recently." He locks his phone and stands, stretching for a moment with a soft groan. "Give me a few minutes then, I look like a mess," he says, moving to head past Phil and getting his hair ruffled playfully on the way. 

     "Alright Danny, I'll wait." Dan snorts in amusement, shaking his head as he lumbers to his room to dress and fix his hair.

 

** 2012 **

     "Don't call me Danny,"twenty year old Dan muttered, rolling his eyes from where he lay, chin resting on Phil's chest. It was evening in their London flat, and the credits of Kill Bill were rolling on their TV. "It's _literally_ the most unsexy name in the world."

     Phil looked amused, as he stroked Dan's hair slowly, his other arm resting on the dip of the younger's back. "So? It's cute. You're cute, so it fits." Dan attempted to hide his smile and failed, but still hit Phil playfully on the chest.

     "Shut up, _Philly_."

     Phil snorted. "Philly?"

     "Yeah, it's the equivalent of Danny - if you get to call me that, then I get to say Philly." Phil laughed.

     "Alright, fine then, _Danny_."

     "Alright, well next time I'm having a wank then you'll hear me moaning 'Philly', see how you like it."

     "Oh god, Dan, shut up!" The two of them laughed. "And I never called you Danny when I was doing that," Phil added. "That'd just make it weird."

     "Why? D'you not think about me when you're... You know." Dan raised an eyebrow suggestively, and Phil leaned his head forward to rest their foreheads together. Dan chuckled, since the gesture was sort of odd in their position.

     "Course I think about you," said Phil, leaning back and shrugging. "I just don't say anything, I think it's weird. I mean, I make noises and stuff when we're together because you like it - when I'm on my own I just feel stupid."

     Dan simply shrugged. "Whatever you say, Philly."

     "It's true!"

     Dan sighed, resting his cheek against Phil's chest and watching as the film credits ended, and the DVD went back to the main menu automatically. "Should turn the TV off," he muttered. "I don't want to move." He could feel Phil playing with his hair, winding a few locks around his fingers.

     "Then don't," he muttered. "You should leave your hair curly sometimes, I like it."

     "Cool, I don't."

     "Why not?"

     Dan shrugged. "It's okay, just looks better straight."

     "Yeah, but it's fake-straight."

     "Like my career." Dan snorted, and he felt Phil shake with short, silent laughter.

     "That's true. How are things, um, in that department?" Dan exhaled, pulling a face. He grunted.

     "Normal. People are still asking if we're together. Randos thinking they know our life story or something. Got a comment calling me a faggot earlier, that was lovely."

     Phil exhaled, brow pinching in worry. "Sorry."

     "S'not your fault. It doesn't bother me." Dan wasn't a very good liar, but Phil said nothing. "Least the phanart's cute," Dan gave a shrug. Phil chuckled softly.

     "There's the upside. And lots of people are still nice - the bad ones just stand out more is all."

     "I guess."

 

** 2016 **

     Twenty five year old Dan sighs as he enters his room. His bed is still unmade from the previous night where he left it to join Phil, and he fixes the covers a little haphazardly before approaching his wardrobe and finding something to wear. Once dressed, he moves to study his reflection in the long mirror by the side of his bed, brow furrowed as he tries to decide whether it would be worth it to straighten his hair. He reaches a hand up to muss the loose curls, brushing his fringe from his eyes and pulling the hair at the top forward, turning his face to different angles. He deliberates for a moment, before shrugging. 

     "It'll do," he mutters. "I straightened it yesterday anyway, s'not too bad." He checks his phone again, getting rid of a couple notifications for emails - newsletters he isn't bothered about. Maybe he'll have a look later, if he's really bored. He looks at himself in the mirror once more, brow furrowed as he exhales. 

      _I have to talk to Phil,_ he thinks to himself. _I have to tell him how I feel. What could it hurt? It wasn't as though we ended it because we didn't love each other anymore..._

      _Though he still might not feel the same. It might have fizzled out for him, it might not be the same. We've been friends for so long, going back to the way things used to be might just be odd._

     Dan scowls softly, rubbing his forehead to smooth out his frown as he straightens up, shoving his phone into his pocket and grabbing his jacket. He leaves his bedroom, trying to concentrate on the present, on today. Today is more important; Phil is more important. At least when they go outside now, they don't have anything to hide.

 

**2013**

     "I _told_  you not to touch me," said Dan irritably, as he and Phil entered the London apartment, heading up the stairs to the corridor and into the living room. It was April, and the air outside was chilly. "Phil, you know they nitpick _literally_  everything."

     "I only touched your arm Dan, I didn't think it would be that big of a deal." Phil exhaled heavily, unzipping his coat and shrugging it off, looking over at his boyfriend with his brow pinched. "I mean, are you really _that_ bothered?"

     "Yes!" Dan took his phone from his coat pocket and checked it, before tossing it over onto the couch and pulling off his own coat. "And you didn't just touch my arm, you _squeezed_  it. They could take that as a couple thing, you've seen the blogs they have, and the videos dedicated to bloody _'proof'!_ " He spat the word like it was a disease, nose wrinkled in disgust and irritation.

     Phil's expression was complicated. He wanted to comfort Dan, to make the other see that maybe it wasn't such a bad thing. But he had to admit, Dan's fanbase - and now Phil's, since they were considered a package deal - could be quite overwhelming at times, despite Dan not having actually been in the spotlight for that long. And Dan was only young. Not that it didn't make Phil uncomfortable too, but Dan certainly seemed to take it harder.

     "Dan, I..." Phil sighed, scratching his head. "Would it really be so bad if I held your hand?" He asked weakly.

     Dan looked at the older man, and Phil could see the pain in his eyes, mirroring his own. _"Yes,"_ he said. "If... If they knew about this, they'd just... Phil, they wouldn't think of us as people. We're not separate people to them, we're not _real_. We'd just be some sort of weird teenage fantasy for them to pressure and poke at through a screen until we do what they want."

     "But I mean, they are fans. There are nice ones that, you know, do appreciate you. And us."

     Dan's brow furrowed. "There _are_ , but... No. I don't want our relationship to be put on a pedestal, Phil. I-I don't think I could handle that. I can barely handle this." 

   _What if we broke up?_ The question was unsaid, but it hung in the air between them. _They'd destroy us._

     Setting his coat on the back of the armchair, Phil approached Dan, resting his hands on the younger's forearms and looking at him for a moment, trying to work out what to say. Dan looked up at him, swallowing his emotion.

     "We will handle this," said Phil softly. "It'll be okay. We don't have to tell anyone, we don't have to do anything you don't want to." He gave a small smile. "Besides, I sort of like having you to myself." Dan chuckled softly, looking away with a smile.

     "Well, good," he said. "Because I'm going to be all yours for a long time." He leaned in to press his lips to Phil's. Phil leaned into the kiss, moving one hand to cup Dan's face gently. When they broke away, Phil leaned his forehead against the other's. Dan's arms were wrapped around the older man's waist, pressing their bodies together. "I need to go take my shoes off," Dan muttered. He didn't move his arms from around Phil though, who smiled.

     "You should go and do that," he said. Neither of them moved. Dan laughed softly.

     "What time is it?" He asked.

     "I think it's half three?"

     Dan nodded. Silence for another few moments as the two held each other, listening to the faint traffic coming from outside. It was peaceful. The tension that had been palpable in the air when they had been outside was gone - Dan was home, he was away from prying eyes and he was in Phil's arms. He was safe.


End file.
